Cantabile

Preparing for this...

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 09:08:38 GMT

INVENTIO XIII - BACH

TRAUMERIE - SCHUMANN

SONATINA IN G MAJOR op. 88 no. 2 (1st mov't) - Kuhlau

i still lack one piece for the contemporary period. been practicing only 2 hours per day. T_T i want to ask mom if it would be okay to bring the piano here. huhu. but i'll have to move into an apartment then, but that would be cool. we went apartment hunting yesterday and, we found one. really nice and homey.. want to transfer by the 2nd semester. sheesh. i'm just here taking a break.. ~_~ stress.
although i've had my fun over the weekend. haha. and im excited for the SU Band IPR next next week. hehe. but then again.. initiation.. T_T sheesh. anyhow.. more updates soon. :)

Writer's Block: All-Nighter

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 08:16:48 GMT

When was the last time you stayed up all night? What were you doing?

View other answers

Ahaha! Last night. I was talking to a friend. Texting till 2am. :) Really cool. :D

DREAMS do come true

Thu, 28 May 2009 07:59:58 GMT

and yes, im here in dumaguete. ah. i see trees of green..red roses too...
lovely lovely place...
back then, i thought my dream of coming and studying here will never be realized.. but hey.. I'M HERE!
I arrived here last Sunday, May 24,2009 around 7am in the morning.
We rested in one of the dorms of Silliman University.
It was so hot. Good thing there was an a/c in the room. Funny thing was, we set the a/c in the wrong way. Instead of lowering down the temperature, we increased it, thinking coolness would go higher. xD
Anyways.. later in the afternoon we went sightseeing around the campus, and took some pictures. hehe.

At around 4pm, we went to church.

Then last Monday, May 25,2009 was our audtion. We went to the SU College of Performing Arts (COPA).

picture courtesy of su.edu.ph

This is the Guy Hall, and this is where the COPA is located. xD

The audition was nerve-wracking. There were 5 evaluators (jurors? xD). When I entered the room, they asked me to say something about myself. It was crap. Hahaha. I was so nervous that I just blurted out anything that came up in my mind. They asked me some questions related to my subjects and then asked me to play. I played 2 pieces. My first piece was my recital piece last March, Waltz in Ab by Brahms. I messed up! T_T I had to stop playing. I didn't continue, cause if I did I'd mess up a whole lot more. So, I proceeded with my 2nd piece, which is Aria from the Bach Magdalene book. It was better. After that They let me sight-sing! T_T Which was so bad! I'm not sure if I got that right. Uwah~ It was really embarassing!! And the worst, was when we did rote-singing!!! That was super ultra embarassing! When I went out the room.. my mom was asking me how was it... speechless.
The audition continued and we had to wait for the others to finish before they give out the results...
After less than an hour... we were called inside the office... I was with my mom.. then we talked with Mr. Dean of COPA. xD and then he said... "You passed the audition and you'll be a regular student!" YATTA!!!
I was so happy! I thought I was going to be on the 'on-probation' list but I wasnt! YAY!

I'm so thankful to God and my parents for sending me off here! This is really so amazing! I believe that God just didn't brought me here out of whim, but because He has a plan for me. And I'm still in progress.

After everything I went through it was GOD who gave me the strength to move forward and fulfill my dreams~!

And right now, I am in Dumaguete City, still in the process of enrolling myself in Silliman University and soon will belong to the College of Performing Arts as a Bachelor of Music student, majoring in Music Education.

A whole new world, a whole new start. Dreaming bigger, making GOD as my partner.

PS. This will be my dorm. xD The Larena Hall.

picture courtesy of su.edu.ph

more pix on my FB. xD add me. Misty Kazumi (will add more soon) xD

Mon, 18 May 2009 08:35:06 GMT

At times, memories restricts our minds. But the mind...can be freed...with new encounters..

a little update

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 10:58:31 GMT

changed banner. (from Nodame Cantabile, got it from animepaper.net this was the image imagined by nodame when she was playing the Ravel piece, Jeux d'eau during her recital at the church
updated links.
updated sidebar.

haha. atleast i can feel something new here. lol.

more updates soon. ^_^

shoutouts to my linkies esp to misaki-neechan~ xD

stupid boy - keith urban

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 03:53:23 GMT

Well, she was precious like a flower
She grew wild, wild but innocent
A perfect prayer in a desperate hour
She was everything beautiful and different

Stupid boy, you can't fence that in
Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind
she laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
Stupid boy, stupid boy
Oh

So what made you think you could take a life
And just push it push it around
I guess you build yourself up so high
You had to take her and break her down

she laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy

Oh, you always had to be right but now you've lost
The only thing that ever made you feel alive
Yeah, yeah

Well, she laid her heart and soul right in your hands
And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans
Yes, ya did
She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens
When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't
You stupid boy, oh, I'm the same old
Same old stupid boy

It took awhile for her to figure out she could run
But when she did, she was long gone
Long gone, long gone
Ah, she's gone

Nobody's ever gonna love me like she loved me
And she loved me, she loved me
God please, just let her know
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
Baby, yeah, I'm down on my knees
She's never coming back to me

SUMMER is so HOT!

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 04:55:36 GMT

Yes, and I'm suffering with colds right now. Sheesh. Well summer for a start has been so good. I've started teaching in a music studio very far away from our place. haha. it's like from west to east. but yeah, im having fun. two students has just been added to my list, so right now i have 5 students. and im having a dillema. im not sure about this yet but.. one thing's for sure i don't want to leave my students.. just yet.. huhu. but i want to push through with the plan.. well not really a plan but yeah, it's something like that.. im still thinking about it though... i hope i'll be able to decide on it before may.. sigh.

it's about time

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 06:17:07 GMT

and the semester is finally done, although i have to take some special exams, still im glad it's summer and i can finally relax. im teaching piano again. other than that im trying to concentrate on working on some pieces that i want to play. and yeah, i started reading twilight but i realized i didn't like it that much. it's pretty boring, with all the edward-bella conversations. i mean with all due respect to the fans. what interests me is the character developments of the other vampires, for example, Carlisle. Haha. yeah, im crazy about Carlisle. He's so kind and compassionate and yes, sexy (in the movie). haha. im still on the first book though, i might finish it or not.. *shrugs*
and also im loving Leona Lewis and her songs. haha. One song was introduced to me by Yume it's entitled Better In Time. it's a nice song. and it somehow applies to what I feel now. i've resolved to move forward. it hurts just to even think about it. to think about forgetting about someone and how much that person means to you, but if it means losing myself in the process.. id rather stop this and move on in my life. yeah. that's just how it will be from now on. i just hope i will be strong enough this time. (to you who might read this, i hope you stop acting silly and hiding away from me. don't give 'implied' actions that you just want me to interpret it. ) if you want to disappoint me, then by all means, but i hope you know, it's not just me that will be disappointed, but also yourself. you will eventually or already disappointed with yourself.

don't worry now, it will all be over na. i will move on.

Better In Time

(Ooooh)

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All that I know is I'mma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I'll believe in
And I know time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'mma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
Even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

Sonata Pathetique

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 06:03:44 GMT

This is one of the pieces that I really want to learn. It's a favorite. And the way Freddy Kempf played it...makes me want to go back to those days..when..nothing mattered to me but my sanity.
Be free...

left with nothing to post.

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 05:23:13 GMT

another post by kuya moe caught my attention again and i would like to also share it here. i am such a sucker in sharing somebody else's post. weh~
anyhow.. you can find his post here.

"We are afraid of what comes next, we wanted to meet someone, and we want to fall in love but we know the risks that lead to love. They may cause us pain. It is the fear of that pain, that is what holds us back. It is what we need to let go of. And it's not a question of whether we can or whether we can't.
Taking a risk is like jumping of a cliff, it's a leap into the unknown with absolutely no guarantees. Because ultimately, we just have to decide, we have to choose, how we are going to be. We could spend the rest of our life caught up in the fear of inperfection or we could face it.
Take the leap and see what comes."

...

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 06:55:00 GMT

”Unexpressed feelings will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways…"

Sigmund Freud

QFT from Kuya Moe

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 10:05:38 GMT

"...reality bites. Let's bite it back! I'm not giving up w/o giving it one hell of a fight."

Writer's Block: Tricky Questions

Sun, 08 Feb 2009 07:04:36 GMT

What is your first reaction when someone says "I need to talk to you"?

View other answers

I go, *doki* *doki* *doki* *doki*.

Hahahaha!

a heart where there's nothing left is never right

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 02:19:04 GMT

The heart is always right-- if there's a question of choosing between the mind and the heart-- because mind is a creation of the society. It has been educated. You have been given it by the society, not by existence. The heart is unpolluted.

- Osho

Irony irony irony.

NEW YEAR~!

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 02:57:27 GMT

Haha! I can't believe it. This will be my first post for the new year. Hahaha. I haven't been online lately. And sometimes if I am, I sorta feel lazy to post something here in my blog.To start with.. Let me give you some updates..

last december 26, i had some adventure with kazuo. we had an overnight at our church for some preparations of a certain event. but then we couldn't sleep and just spent the whole night talking and laughing. then december 27 at around 4 o'clock in the morning, we climbed out the church gate to have coffee at dunkin. (since the gate was locked already. hahaha!) but then we ended up having hot choco instead. haha. that was really fun. and then we met ate kris' ex-boyfriend there.. wuuuu~ and at around 6 in the morning, we walked back to church. haha. it was a fun adventure. :)
next, our trip to cebu(which was scheduled at january 2 and we already had tickets!!!) to visit my brother was cancelled due to some financial problems (according to my father.. we could've managed.. but.. oh well..)
so.. in lieu of that.. my mother ask my brother to go home.. and it's great that he agreed. and he was happy too. :) yay~
so.. last january 4, sunday @ 5 o'clock in he morning my brother arrived. :) wee~
but then.. on the evening of january 5.. T_T he left and went back to cebu. T_T
another one... last january 10, i met up with my poki bestfwend. haha. kazuo-kun, and also with aya. we hung-out in macarthur park after being treated to lunch at jollibee by ka-kun. hehe. he brought his guitar with him and along with aya, they made the afternoon really cool by singing some nice songs. :)
then on the late afternoon of january 11... our house was flooded.. and we had to evacuate.. i stayed in the house of our family friend.. and im very much thakful to them.. and to the people who keptme company thru text messages, comforting and praying for us. you know who you are guys.. :)
january 15, we're back in our house.. and everything's still a mess.. haha. but it's all well.. although i had a lot of my things wet by the floodwater. including my piano... T_T my brother and i slept on the sala. and i feel like my neck's going to break because of the two sofa chairs i slept on. really small space for me. x_x
january 17, im back in my bedroom!!! but still a messy bedroom. haha.
january 19.. im back to school. haha. i feel like i've been in a vacation because of the bad weather. im glad it's all good now. the sun's up! ^_^,

So, there you have it.. some updates.. haha. just to keep this blog alive. Hehehe. Will post soon enough if i have time. c:

happy to be me and ALIVE... ü

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 06:23:14 GMT

I found this video on a friend's profile in friendster. lately.. i have been experiencing really wonderful days.. especially during early in the morning on my way to school. i realized that i have a lot of things that i can be thankful for..thankful to God... all I've think about are the failures that i've experienced, the disappointments, and failed expectations. but it's not at all that bad.. i'm still alive.. i can still do something.. and i pray.. i'll be stronger and be able to make it...

ALIVE
by Jennifer Lopez
Time goes slowly now in my life
Fear no more of what I'm not sure
Searching for your soul
The strength to stand alone
the power of not knowing and letting go
I guess I've found my way it's simple when its right
Feeling lucky just to be here tonight
And happy just be me and be alive.
Love, in and out, of my heart,
And though life can be strange I can't be afraid
Searching for your soul, the strength to stand alone,
The power of not knowing and letting go
I guess I've found my way it's simple when it's right
Feeling lucky just to be here tonight
And happy just to be me and be alive
I guess I've found my way it's simple when its right
Feeling lucky just to be here tonight and
Happy just to be me and to be alive.

The Girl Who Leapt Through Time

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 06:36:20 GMT

Makoto Konno, a girl attending high school in Tokyo's shitamachi, realises she has the power to go back in time and re-do things (called a "time-leap") when she impossibly avoids a fatal accident at a train crossing one day.

Bewildered, she consults with her aunt hroughout the film, who then implies that she is the protagonist from the original novel. At first, Makoto uses her power extravagantly to avoid being tardy and to get perfect grades on tests, and even relive a single karaoke session for about ten hours. However, things begin to turn bad as she discovers how her actions can adversely affect others.

Makoto ends up using up more of her leaps to recklessly prevent undesirable situations from happening, including an awkward confession of love from her best friend Chiaki Mamiya. Eventually she discovers a numbered tattoo on her arm which counts down with each leap. She determines that the tattoo indicates that she can only leap through time a limited number of times. With only a few time leaps left, she attempts to make things right for everyone, but impulsively uses her final leap to prevent a phone call from Chiaki asking if she knows about time-leaping. As a result, she is unable to prevent her friend Kōsuke Tsuda and his girlfriend from being killed in the accident at the train crossing that Makoto was originally involved in. Devastated, time suddenly stops.

..read more.

Thanks to Misaki-neechan for giving me a copy. I watched 2 times today and I can't help but love it! Everything! The plot, the characters, the animation the music, everything! I love Chiaki's character. He's so cool and really sweet. Aww... The lines in the dialogue are very nice too. I really love it. Thanks much Misaki-nee for the copy! ^_^

I would like to include the lyrics of the ending theme here...

Garnet
Hanako Oku

Gurando kaketeku anata no senaka wa
Sora ni ukanda kumo yori mo jiyuu de
No-to ni naranda shikakui moji sae
Subete wo terasu hikari ni mieta

Suki to iu kimochi ga wakaranakute
Nidoto wa modoranai kono jikan ga
Sono imi wo atashi ni oshiete kureta

Anata to sugoshita hibi wo kono mune ni yakitsukeyou
Omoidasanakute mo daijoubu na you ni
Itsuka hoka no dareka wo suki ni natta toshite mo
Anata wa zutto tokubetsu de taisetsu de
Mata kono kisetsu ga megutteku

Hajimete futari de hanashita houkago
Dare mo shiranai egao sagashiteita
Tooku de anata no hashaideru koe ni
Naze daka mune ga itakunatta no

Kawatte yuku koto wo kowagatteta no
Zutto tomodachi no mama ireru ki ga shita
Owatteku mono nado nai to omotta

Hateshinai toki no naka de anata to deaeta koto ga
Nani yori mo atashi wo tsuyoku shite kureta ne
Muchuu dekakeru ashita ni tadoritsuita toshite mo
Anata wa zutto tokubetsu de taisetsu de
Mata kono kisetsu ga yatte kuru

Itsu made mo wasurenai to anata ga itte kureta natsu
Toki ga nagare imagoro atashi wa namida ga koborete kita

Anata to sugoshita hibi wo kono mune ni yakitsukeyou
Omoidasanakute mo daijoubu na you ni
Itsuka hoka no dare ka wo suki ni natta toshite mo
Anata wa zutto tokubetsu de taisetsu de
Mata kono kisetsu ga megutteku

You were running on the ground and your steps were
Quicker than the clouds in the sky
Even the childish letters you write in your notebook
Are the light that envelops everything

I couldn't understand the feeling of love,
But this time which may never return
Taught me the meaning

The days I spent with you are in my heart
So it's okay even if the memories fade
Though someday I may fall in love with someone else
You will always be special and precious to me
Even as the seasons change

When the two of us first spoke to each other
I searched for the smile you never showed anyone
You talked with a distant voice
I wonder why my heart hurt then

I was afraid of changing
I had the feeling which we could be friends
I never thought the end would come

That I met you in the vastness of time
Taught me to be strong more than anything else
Even as I run to the future
You will be always be special and precious to me
As the seasons change again

You told me you would never forget that summer
Time passes and now my tears are spilling

The days I spent with you are in my heart
So it's okay even if the memories fade
Though someday I may fall in love with someone else
You will always be special and precious to me
Even as the seasons change

You can download the mp3 at gendou. Lyrics and translation is also there.
And yeah, I uploaded new userpics too. Toko wo kakeru userpics. You can check it on my profile. ^_^
Credits go to the people who made it here in LJ. You know who you are. Thanks muchies~! ^_^//

keeping on

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 09:04:46 GMT

Okay, so much for all the random musings the past weeks,days,hours,minutes,seconds. Haha.
Time to get serious. Alright. I am now in my sophomore year as a music major student, and it's the second semester. I have 9 music science subjects + my piano lessons and 2 minor subjects.

Theory of Music 1b
Keyboard Harmony
Sacred Music
Dictation1b
Music Ensembleb
Solfeggio2b
History of Music2b
Chorus2
Applied Music Classic
Music Education 2
Piano2b

Psych1
Biology1

I don't know if the teachers of these major subjects are final and it's actually frustrating because until now, we are not having classes still!!! And it's the third week already since classes started. Sheesh. I want to get going already! Lately I've been spending my time eating and just going around the city with my friend Dawn. However, just last week I thought of doing some self-study on some things. Haha. Here I go again. Yeah. Well at least I'm doing some work! I actually planned on doing some self-study about jazz piano playing. For the past weeks I've been really engrossed with the music of Diana Krall, Michael Buble and Sitti! Oh! Michael's really awesome. And Sitti's such a wonderful singer. I love her voice and she has nice accent too when she sings Portuguese. She did Astrud Gilberto's "Girl from Ipanema" so beautifully. I wish I could sing like that. But, haha! I'd rather stick with the piano than with singing. I'll leave that to the singers. Oh well. I'll just sing on my own little world Etherea. Haha. I just coined that word at the moment. From the word ethereal. LOL. See? My mind just wanders on it's own. And I'm straying off topic. Hahaha! Okay, back to the jazz business. Yes, I am trying to learn jazz piano playing in fact I already researched some jazz piano exercises in the net and I'm glad to have found some. One of which that I liked the most is Oscar Peterson's Jazz Exercises, Minuets, Etudes and Pieces for Piano. Found it on Scribd.com. There are a lot of pdf files there by the way. I didn't print the whole thing yet, just until exercise 6. I'm working on #1 at the moment. Haha. I am also doing some background study about jazz so that I could better understand the kind of music style. Sigh.
Other than that, the Cagayan De Oro Music Cultural Guild, of which I am part of (haha. right) is busy practicing for the upcoming singing engagements this December. We will be singing Christmas songs! Yay! It's Christmas time! I love singing Christmas carols, it adds to the spirit of Christmas. IMHO. Haha. So yeah, we are singing on December... So far we have 3 invitations.

Saturday December 6,2008 - SM CDO
Sunday December 7,2008 - Kiosko CDO (aka Divisoria Bandstand)
Thursday December 18,2008 - SM CDO

I am inviting everyone to watch. Lol. But if you're really going to watch (and i doubt that. lol) I suggest you go on the 7th of December since there are other schools who are also going to be there. It's really a nice way to spend this Christmas season. Celebrating the season with music! ^_^

epilogue

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 04:00:38 GMT

this was a poem i made for our eng15. hmm. it's nothing much but i just would like to share it here since i have been planning to post it here in my blog but i always forget to.

Crossroads

She was lost, a runaway, a waif.
Looking for some place to stay safe.
Lonesome and desperate,
She was longing for her heart to recreate.

He was sauntering, looking for nothing.
Simply taking the road he’s keeping.
Contented yet empty,
Just conforming to a mundane reality.

On the crossroad where everyone meets
Two souls came along, each one greets
They stood. Simple glances each took
Silent. Too careful not to be mistook

Looking down the ground, the silence she breaks
She speaks slowly, taking the stakes.
Every emotion, deep and fervid,
She released, all unburied.

Looking up the sky, he breathed in and said,
Don’t give up. Look forward, future is always ahead.
He reflected, realized, what he said hit his heart.
In his emptiness, faith filled in, hope took a part.

They looked up, gazed in each others eyes
In their hearts they understood— Smiles.
Now they continued to walk. On separate road—
Each yearning to meet again on another crossroad.

thank you.
thank you for being strong in behalf of my weakness.
see you around on the next crossroad.

epilogue

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 02:52:03 GMT

thank you.

thank you for being strong in behalf of my weakness.

see you around on the next crossroad.

BACCANO!

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 09:46:45 GMT

This is the latest anime that I've watched courtesy of xinji (for lending me your copy). I'm addicted to the whole thing and I just found out that there are three more episodes aside from the original 13 episodes. Uwah~ I've seen a lot of screencaps about Chane and Claire (aka Vino aka Railtracer) meeting up! And Chane in a beautiful white dress!!!

But my favorite character is Ennis and Firo!!! Yeah!

The Last Stand

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 05:46:17 GMT

I admit that I'm weak.
I admit that I still love you.
I admit that I still want to see you.
I admit that I'm missing you.
I admit that I'm missing you bad.
I admit that I'm waiting for you.
I admit that I'm expecting a lot.
I admit that I am desperate.
I admit that I want you back.
I admit that I hate the way you ignore me.
I admit that despite that, I still want to think you're not ignoring me.
I admit that I fear to lose you.
I admit that I don't know what to do.
I admit that I wasn't able to do the things I should do.
I admit that I'm still hoping.
I admit that I want you to read this.
I admt that I'm expecting for you to say something.
I admit that I want us to talk.
I admit that things are such a bother.
I admit that I can't move on.
I admit that I don't want to move on.
I admit that I'm trying to.
I admit that I always fail to.
I admit that I always think you.
I admit that I need help.
I admit that I strayed.
I admit that I blame God.
I admit that I want things to go my way.
I admit that I rebelled.
I admit that I didn't care what He has to say.
I admit that I'm also scared.
I admit that I am sick of everything that I 'have' to be.
I admit that I terribly feel sorry for myself.
I admit that I feel so pathetic.
I admit that I am anxious of what you have to say.
I admit that I am anxious of what people has to say.
I admit thatI feel so small when our friends, your friends look at me.
I admit that I am getting paranoid.
I admit that I am paranoid.
I admit that I am scared to face everything after this.
I admit that I feel so bitter.
I admit that I don't want you to know that I still love you.
I admit that I don't want you to pity me.
I admit that I'm afraid of what you're going to say.
I admit that I want to go away.
I admit that I want to runaway.
I admit that I want to forget.
I admit that I won't be able to.
I admit that I do want to be better.
I admit that I don't know how to decide.
I admit that I just can't decide.
I admit that I just want things to go my way.
I admit that if things go my way, they won't be the same as before.
I admit that I'm scared.
I admit that I'm so scared.
I admit that after this I'm thinking of moving away.
I admit that I want to move away from the hurts.
I admit that I want to move away from the memories.
I admit that it's hard to do.
I admit that despite all the things I said here, I know there's nothing I can do.
I admit that I am helpless.
I admit that I do blame myself for everything that has happened.
I admit that I need you.
I admit that I'm thinking it just can't be.
I admit that I'm thinking you want to move on.
I admit that I hate it when you just let me do the things I want to do.
I admit that I hate it when you are so passive about everything.
I admit that I hate the way I think.

coffee and me.. and you

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 11:26:58 GMT

why does coffee stimulate talks? (in my experience. haha. fufufu~)
if that's the case...
then, can we have coffee?

xD

I was busy finding myself that I got lost.

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 08:50:18 GMT

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”

-george bernard shaw

I remember back when I was a freshman in college, i took a test about the 4 temperaments. I got the highest results in choleric, next sanguine,then phlegmatic then melancholic. I guess the tides have change. I took it again, the results: highest in melancholic, then choleric, phelgmatic then sanguine. haha.

THE MELANCHOLIC

The melancholic must cultivate great confidence in God and love for suffering, for his spiritual and temporal welfare depend on these two virtues. He should always, especially during attacks of melancholy, say to himself: It is not so bad as I imagine. I see things too darkly, or I am a pessimist. He must from the very beginning resist every feeling of aversion, diffidence, discouragement, or despondency, so that these evil impressions can take no root in the soul. He must keep himself continually occupied, so that he finds no time for brooding. Persevering work will master all.

St. Theresa devotes an entire chapter to the treatment of malicious melancholics. She writes: Upon close observation you will notice that melancholic persons are especially inclined to have their own way, to say everything that comes into their mind, to watch for the faults of others in order to hide their own and to find peace in that which is according to their own liking. St. Theresa, in this chapter touches upon two points to which the melancholic person must pay special attention. He frequently is much excited, full of disgust and bitterness, because he occupies himself too much with the faults of others, and again because he would like to have everything according to his own will and notion.

The Melancholic Temperament is self-conscious, easily embarrassed, timid, bashful. Avoids talking before a group; when obliged to he finds it difficult. Prefers to work and play alone. Good in details; careful. Deliberative; slow in making decisions; perhaps overcautious even in minor matters. Lacking in self-confidence and initiative; compliant and yielding. Tends to detachment from environment; reserved and distant except to intimate friends. Tends to depression; frequently moody or gloomy; very sensitive; easily hurt. Does not form acquaintances readily; prefers narrow range of friends; tends to exclude others. Worries over possible misfortune; crosses bridges before coming to them. Secretive; reclusive; shut in; not inclined to speak unless spoken to. Slow in movement; deliberative or perhaps indecisive; moods frequent and constant. Often represents himself at a disadvantage; modest and unassuming.

Inclination to reflection. The thinking of the melancholic easily turns into reflection. The thoughts of the melancholic are far-reaching. He dwells with pleasure upon the past and is preoccupied by occurrences of the long ago; he is penetrating; is not satisfied with the superficial, searches for the cause and correlation of things; seeks the laws which affect human life, the principles according to which man should act. His thoughts are of a wide range; he looks ahead into the future; ascends to the eternal

Love of retirement. The melancholic does not feel at home among a crowd for any length of time; he loves silence and solitude. Being inclined to introspection he secludes himself from the crowds, forgets his environment, and makes poor use of his senses eyes, ears, etc. In company he is often distracted, because he is absorbed by his own thoughts.

The melancholic is a stranger here below and feels homesick for God and eternity. This is where the melancholy comes from - not because he is sad. Inclination to passivity. The melancholic is a passive temperament.

He is reserved. He finds it difficult to form new acquaintances and speaks little among strangers. He reveals his inmost thoughts reluctantly and only to those whom he trusts. He does not easily find the right word to express and describe his sentiments. He yearns often to express himself, because it affords him real relief, to confide the sad, depressing thoughts which burden his heart to a person who sympathizes with him. On the other hand, it requires great exertion on his part to manifest himself, and, when he does so, he goes about it so awkwardly that he does not feel satisfied and finds no rest.

Confession is a great burden to the melancholic, while it is comparatively easy to the sanguine. What he could do today he postpones for tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, or even for the next week. Then he forgets about it and thus it happens that what he could have done in an hour takes weeks and months. He is never finished. For many a melancholic person it may take a long time to decide about his vocation to the religious life. The melancholic is a man of missed opportunities

He is slow in his thinking. He feels it necessary, first of all, to consider and reconsider everything until he can form a calm and safe judgment.

He is slow in his speech. If he is called upon to answer quickly or to speak without preparation, or if he fears that too much depends on his answer, he becomes restless and does not find the right word and consequently often makes a false and unsatisfactory reply. This slow thinking may be the reason why the melancholic often stutters, leaves his sentences incomplete, uses wrong phrases, or searches for the right expression. He is also slow, not lazy, at his work. He works carefully and reliably, but only if he has ample time and is not pressed

The pride of the melancholic has its very peculiar side. He does not seek honor or recognition; on the contrary, he is loathe to appear in public and to be praised. But he is very much afraid of disgrace and humiliation. He often displays great reserve and thereby gives the impression of modesty and humility; in reality he retires only because he is afraid of being put to shame. Because of their peculiarities they are frequently misjudged and treated wrongly. The melancholic feels keenly and therefore retires and secludes himself. Also, the melancholic has few friends, because few understand him and because he takes few into his confidence.

The melancholic practices with ease and joy interior prayer. His serious view of life, his love of solitude, and his inclination to reflection are a great help to him in acquiring the interior life of prayer. This temperament causes difficulties at prayer, since the melancholic person easily loses courage in trials and sufferings and consequently lacks confidence in God, in his prayers, and can be very much distracted by pusillanimous and sad thoughts.

One must always encourage him. Rude reproach, harsh treatment, hardness of heart cast him down and paralyze his efforts. Friendly advice and patience with his slow actions give him courage and vigor. He will show himself very grateful for such kindness.

Because melancholics take everything to heart and are very sensitive, they are in great danger of weakening their nerves. It is necessary, therefore, to watch nervous troubles of those entrusted to ones care. Melancholics who suffer a nervous breakdown are in a very bad state and cannot recover very easily.

In the training of a melancholic child, special care must be taken to be always kind and friendly, to encourage and keep him busy. The child, moreover, must be taught always to pronounce words properly, to use his five senses, and to cultivate piety. Special care must be observed in the punishment of the melancholic child otherwise obstinacy and excessive reserve may result Necessary punishment must be given with precaution and great kindness and the slightest appearance of injustice must be carefully avoided.

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Tue, 14 Oct 2008 06:22:00 GMT

_{"It is cruel, you know, that music should be so beautiful. It has the beauty of loneliness and of pain: of strength and freedom. The beauty of disappointment and never-satisfied love. The cruel beauty of nature, and everlasting beauty of monotony."
-- Benjamin Britten}

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_{just something i found.}